If you’re having problems with your relationship one of the hardest things to do is to arrange an opportunity to talk it through. It’s far easier, when you’re hurt, to shut yourself off from the problem.
Addressing it head on takes co-operation from both people in the relationship. So why do so many phone calls between estranged couples fail to move things forward? What can you do to change this, without any dirty tricks, so that your ex wants to call you back?
Let’s break this down, in a matter of fact way. If you make a point of understanding this, it’s going to help you avoid some of the most common mistakes. Please make sure you are ready to move forward and solve your problems before reading this- a little tough love is required.
Please know that this will make you stronger if you remember it’s coming from a good place and a position of having been where you are.
What You Can’t Do
These suggestions may sound obvious when you read them, or when you’re in a stable, rational state of mind. Many people going through any kind of separation aren’t in a stable, rational state of mind- so they need to be covered.
Nobody wants to know how often you’ve already called. Your ex will already be aware of that, unless they’re ignoring you completely. Thankfully this is highly unlikely, so you won’t need to tell them that this is the 3rd message you’ve left.
Don’t plead with your partner over the telephone, especially if you are leaving a message. When does that ever work? Would you plead for a raise at work? Chances are, it didn’t even work all the time when you were a kid wanting a cookie.
Oh, and whatever you do, don’t play the emergency card, saying that there’s something they need to help you with. It won’t capture their attention. What if they do respond to the so-called ‘emergency’? How do you think that’s going to work out?
What You Can Do
First thing you need to do; make sure you’re in the best possible frame of mind before calling. Be as happy as you can, as it’ll make sure that your voice reminds your ex of good times, rather than forcing them to confront the pain you’re both feeling. This is super important.
But the real secret to this is to establish a compelling reason for them to return your call. A good way that anyone can learn, is to harness their curiosity and self interest. Make them want to call you back.
Take this example:
“Hi, I really appreciate what you did for me. Can you call me when you have a moment; I want to make sure I thank you in person”
Can you imagine the impact this’ll have? They’ll feel so curious to know what you appreciate. Plus everyone loves to be thanked, right?
But please, make sure you know what it is you want to show your appreciation for; this is not about tricking your ex, but showing you care and piquing their interest. It really doesn’t matter if it’s a small thing they’ve done for you, just make sure it’s something real. This is especially important if there’ve been trust issues in the past.
Remember that getting them to call back is just the first step of making up with your ex. Knowing what else you want to say is just as important.