Everyone is pursuing the perfect relationship, even though people aren’t ever perfect. So, how do you tell if your relationship goes beyond the usual ups and downs, into bad news territory? And, if you find yourself in an unhealthy relationship, what can you do?
Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship
In theory, it should be easy to tell when a relationship is bad news, but the reality is more complicated than that. People don’t tend to show their worst side at the start of a relationship, plus it can take time before the full extent of their negative behavior comes to light.
Here are some signs that show your relationship is bad news. Ignore them at your peril, because when they set in, it’s going to take work to turn things around.
The signs:
· Your partner is dismissive or verbally puts you down.
· Your partner displays controlling behavior, such as reading your mail, or showing up in unexpected places.
· Your partner’s actions don’t match their words. They may say they love you, but do they act like they do?
· Your partner has tried to make you dependant on them
· You’ve had to change yourself to please them, not because it pleased you.
Why do these relationships happen?
Initially there’s a good start to the relationship, a honeymoon period, where everything is fine. Then, after a while things blow up and fall apart. This is then followed by a reunion, where a partner might promise the world to get you back.
Yet the cycle continues, time after time. Things go wrong and then come back together. It can take time before you realize this cycle is in place. By this point it’s too late for the issue to be as obvious as it should be.
Toxic people make you feel ill just being around them. So, why would anyone end up in a toxic relationship? Why would anyone want to be with someone who makes them feel emotionally or physically harmed?
What Can You Do If You’re In A Bad News Relationship?
Realizing the relationship has become poisoned is the first, important step. Until you can see this for yourself it’s easy to allow things to continue.
But you must realize you have choices, that you must make to move forward. Do you break things up, or do you work to repair the relationship. Both options can be tough, as it’s difficult to have the confidence to leave a bad relationship, especially if you’ve been made to think it’s your fault. It’s also going to take work to repair a damaged relationship.
In many cases, counseling or support groups can be an effective way of starting the process to save the relationship. This can be particularly important if your self esteem has been damaged.
But in all cases, you have to decide that the relationship is worth saving, before going any further. There’s support available, but solutions will only arise if you, and your partner, can commit to changing things for the better, which takes time.
How Can I Save The Relationship?
To save the relationship you’ll have to set new limits with your partner, telling them how you feel and how the relationship is affecting you. If they can’t accept these limits, then you’ll have to let them know you’ll end it, walking away. Plus, it’s really important that you mean it. Your partner needs to realize this, and be on board to change things.
You need to be able to walk away if things don’t improve, otherwise you won’t be able to heal the relationship. There’ll be no reason for your partner to take the idea of change seriously, unless the threat of losing you is real.
From there, it’s going to take mutual support and love, in order to save the relationship. You’ll need to work together, and you both have your part to play. Most importantly, remember you always have options, if it continues to be unhealthy. Nobody deserves a poor relationship, where there’s no sign of real improvement.
Tue, Jun 29, 2010
Relationship Break Up